Bismillah ar-rahman ar-rahim,  In the Name of God, Most Beneficient, Most Merciful

Hari tu masa usrah, dpt sharing daripada mak sedare usrah (sbb mak usrah sakit dan baru discharge dari hospital, so usrahmate naqibah tersayang pun tolong cover). Mak sedare usrah pn cakaplah, 'du'at ni sejak zaman nabi nuh a.s. dia perlukan pendokong. supporter. ia adalah fitrah dakwah ni.' 

dan seperti biasa, saya yg memang loner dan konon-kononnya macho, belagak cool whatever pun terasa. ouch. deep down inside me, I know it's not cool to be alone. ish physically, secara zahirnya memang la nampak seperti ada kawan, bergaul dgn org sini sana, mudah masuk dgn org yadda yadda. TAPI...itu semua sangkaan belaka. 

All my life, I've never managed to really be comfortable with anyone whom I can share my feelings, thoughts and problems with. It's so freaking sad..and absurd. Bukannya tkde kawan yg cuba. oh so ramai I tell you and on my part, it's not like I didn't try and force myself to be ok with it. mungkin hati ini yang dah hitam sgt sampai tkleh nak berlembut dan menyayangi seorang saudara seakidah. astaghfirullah

huh. loner.
 what's the purpose of this post? it's to dig down and find the root cause of this problem. and I've digged enough and can probably, confidently say that the problem lies in a 3 word thing that is so, so dangerous. ya'ni EGO

astaghfirullah.
 will continue later. biiznillah